Some Lessons So Far....
As you can probably tell, I've been faced with what, for me, have been some significant challenges in the month-and-change I've been in Kerala. And since I don't even want to risk getting pessimistic about my time and work here, I've been using these challenges as opportunities to reconceive of my life and to gain a new persepctive. Here are some big lessons I've gotten so far:
Community/Relationships and Openness
(when I wrote these out in my journal, i put these under two separate headings, but since they're so inter-related, I'm going to combine them here...)
In my research on South Africa *mumble* years ago, I repeatedly came across the word and idea ubuntu. A key element in traditional African philosophy and spirituality, ubuntu translates pretty nearly to "we are people through other people." It is our relationships and communities that make us human. Without these, we can not be fully human.
I have found this same idea vividly alive in India; it is so much a part of life here that there's not even a word for it. It's just taken for granted. In Kerala, every part of one's life is lived in relation to others; every experience is shared. Relationships are intimate and instantaneous- people who have never met before approach one another without reservation and chat like they've known each other for years. And this is the rule-- not the exception. As I've already groused about at some length, the idea of doing something by oneself or of wanting to be alone is completely unknown in Indian tought. And while this seems to be kind of taking it to an extreme (you've got to have some time and space for yourself, don't you?), it is a vivid example of what it means to live deeply in community. And since we are all brothers and sisters and, I would contend, are all the same and part of each other, this is a very important lesson in seeing God, Christ, and ourselves in every other person.
An important corollary to everyone being everyone else's brother, sister, and friend is an almost reckless sense of openness. If we truly acknowledge our sibling-hood, same-ness, and interdependence, there can be no separation in or between our lives. The first time you meet someone here, they give you full access to their life and expect the same. They ask for your phone number, e-mail, street address, and that of every member of your family and all your friends.They will almost invariably also invite you to their house right this very minute for tea, invite you to visit their ancestral home for a weekend to meet their family (who they know will just love you), and probably invite you to the wedding of their cousin next weekend. Sincerely. The first time they meet you.
The people here want to share their lives with you and earnestly hope for and expect full access to yours. And to me, this often feels intrusive and invasive. But when I think about it as an expression of true community, it's a very nice idea.... even if the practice is still kind of off-putting. It makes it so that other people are always more important than oneself. People's doors are always literally and figuratively open; and whenever a guest drops by unannounced, they are always more important than whatever you were doing before they arrived. And even if there's something you absolutely have to do, it can wait until after you've spent a little time with your caller. People and our relationships are always more important than our jobs or self-interest. Again, because of this emphasis on relationships and community, you completely share your life- your time, space, attention, resources- with others.
I hope I can learn to become at least a little like this over the course of the year, and remember it when I get home, so I can put it to use in whatever I end up doing-- to keep my door and heart open to all people, to deny no one entrance to my life, and to be willing to share all that I have of time, energy, attention, space, resources, and love with any- and everyone.
(I actually had an experience that reaffirmed this sense of community and openness after I wrote this in my journal-- I went out for a run the other night, and as i was walking home drenched with sweat and smelly, a fellow I'd met once at the CSI (Church of South India) came bustling out of his house and called me over. Before I knew what was happening, his arm was around my shoulder and I was being ushered into the house, which was full of other people. It turns out they were having a memorial service for his mother-in-law, who passed away over the wekeend. I was directed to the couch where I sat down in my dripping shorts and t-shirt, sweaty, smelly, and completely mortified. But i was served tea and snacks and was engaged in friendly conversation by everyone around, most of whom i had never seen before. Fortuantely, the company started breaking up after i had been there for only a half hour or so, so i was able to excuse myself and go home to shower. the funny thing is, i'm getting used to this kind of hospitality and, once i figured out what was going on, i wasn't surprised at all. I was still embarrassed and uncomfortable because a) my attire was completely inappropriate for even being seen out in public (i try to stay pretty well out of sight when i'm running...) and b) i smelled like a high-school locker room. But that's beside the point....)
Let Your Life Speak Where Words Fail
Last week I was talking to a student at UC College and getting very frustrated. His English wasn't good by any stretch of the imagination, but I could make out what he was trying to get across. He, on the other hand, had no idea what I was saying. No matter what I said or asked, no matter how slowly, clearly, and simply I expressed myself, he would just smile and wobble his head in agreement. At one point, after several failed attempts to talk about cricket and football, he asked me if I drink. When I said "No," (which he evidently understood) he got really confused and asked why. By this point in the conversation (or whatever you'd call it), I knew that trying to explain would be fruitless so I said "I simply choose not to," (blank stare, smile, wobble) and left it at that.
But that experience left me wondering-- when I go to live in the hostel (what we'd call a dorm, although it's more like a cell block-- the residents are even called inmates and the RAs wardens), or interacting with students in any other setting, trying to be a positive influence and a good role-model for them, how can I get complex messages and ideas about responsibility and morality across to them with such a limited common lexicon? And what I've tentatively decided is that talking and lecturing isn't the right way to get messages like these across anyway. It's just like with students at home-- words will go in one ear and out the other and probably not make any sense during their brief sojourn through the head. But the way you act and the way you live are what will get your message across. Your life can convey a very deep message much more simply and effectively than any words possibly can.
So if, at the College and everywhere else, I can let my life be an example of love, compassion, respect, patience, and peace, those who pay attention will learn the lessons I hope to convey.
As you can probably tell, I've been faced with what, for me, have been some significant challenges in the month-and-change I've been in Kerala. And since I don't even want to risk getting pessimistic about my time and work here, I've been using these challenges as opportunities to reconceive of my life and to gain a new persepctive. Here are some big lessons I've gotten so far:
Community/Relationships and Openness
(when I wrote these out in my journal, i put these under two separate headings, but since they're so inter-related, I'm going to combine them here...)
In my research on South Africa *mumble* years ago, I repeatedly came across the word and idea ubuntu. A key element in traditional African philosophy and spirituality, ubuntu translates pretty nearly to "we are people through other people." It is our relationships and communities that make us human. Without these, we can not be fully human.
I have found this same idea vividly alive in India; it is so much a part of life here that there's not even a word for it. It's just taken for granted. In Kerala, every part of one's life is lived in relation to others; every experience is shared. Relationships are intimate and instantaneous- people who have never met before approach one another without reservation and chat like they've known each other for years. And this is the rule-- not the exception. As I've already groused about at some length, the idea of doing something by oneself or of wanting to be alone is completely unknown in Indian tought. And while this seems to be kind of taking it to an extreme (you've got to have some time and space for yourself, don't you?), it is a vivid example of what it means to live deeply in community. And since we are all brothers and sisters and, I would contend, are all the same and part of each other, this is a very important lesson in seeing God, Christ, and ourselves in every other person.
An important corollary to everyone being everyone else's brother, sister, and friend is an almost reckless sense of openness. If we truly acknowledge our sibling-hood, same-ness, and interdependence, there can be no separation in or between our lives. The first time you meet someone here, they give you full access to their life and expect the same. They ask for your phone number, e-mail, street address, and that of every member of your family and all your friends.They will almost invariably also invite you to their house right this very minute for tea, invite you to visit their ancestral home for a weekend to meet their family (who they know will just love you), and probably invite you to the wedding of their cousin next weekend. Sincerely. The first time they meet you.
The people here want to share their lives with you and earnestly hope for and expect full access to yours. And to me, this often feels intrusive and invasive. But when I think about it as an expression of true community, it's a very nice idea.... even if the practice is still kind of off-putting. It makes it so that other people are always more important than oneself. People's doors are always literally and figuratively open; and whenever a guest drops by unannounced, they are always more important than whatever you were doing before they arrived. And even if there's something you absolutely have to do, it can wait until after you've spent a little time with your caller. People and our relationships are always more important than our jobs or self-interest. Again, because of this emphasis on relationships and community, you completely share your life- your time, space, attention, resources- with others.
I hope I can learn to become at least a little like this over the course of the year, and remember it when I get home, so I can put it to use in whatever I end up doing-- to keep my door and heart open to all people, to deny no one entrance to my life, and to be willing to share all that I have of time, energy, attention, space, resources, and love with any- and everyone.
(I actually had an experience that reaffirmed this sense of community and openness after I wrote this in my journal-- I went out for a run the other night, and as i was walking home drenched with sweat and smelly, a fellow I'd met once at the CSI (Church of South India) came bustling out of his house and called me over. Before I knew what was happening, his arm was around my shoulder and I was being ushered into the house, which was full of other people. It turns out they were having a memorial service for his mother-in-law, who passed away over the wekeend. I was directed to the couch where I sat down in my dripping shorts and t-shirt, sweaty, smelly, and completely mortified. But i was served tea and snacks and was engaged in friendly conversation by everyone around, most of whom i had never seen before. Fortuantely, the company started breaking up after i had been there for only a half hour or so, so i was able to excuse myself and go home to shower. the funny thing is, i'm getting used to this kind of hospitality and, once i figured out what was going on, i wasn't surprised at all. I was still embarrassed and uncomfortable because a) my attire was completely inappropriate for even being seen out in public (i try to stay pretty well out of sight when i'm running...) and b) i smelled like a high-school locker room. But that's beside the point....)
Let Your Life Speak Where Words Fail
Last week I was talking to a student at UC College and getting very frustrated. His English wasn't good by any stretch of the imagination, but I could make out what he was trying to get across. He, on the other hand, had no idea what I was saying. No matter what I said or asked, no matter how slowly, clearly, and simply I expressed myself, he would just smile and wobble his head in agreement. At one point, after several failed attempts to talk about cricket and football, he asked me if I drink. When I said "No," (which he evidently understood) he got really confused and asked why. By this point in the conversation (or whatever you'd call it), I knew that trying to explain would be fruitless so I said "I simply choose not to," (blank stare, smile, wobble) and left it at that.
But that experience left me wondering-- when I go to live in the hostel (what we'd call a dorm, although it's more like a cell block-- the residents are even called inmates and the RAs wardens), or interacting with students in any other setting, trying to be a positive influence and a good role-model for them, how can I get complex messages and ideas about responsibility and morality across to them with such a limited common lexicon? And what I've tentatively decided is that talking and lecturing isn't the right way to get messages like these across anyway. It's just like with students at home-- words will go in one ear and out the other and probably not make any sense during their brief sojourn through the head. But the way you act and the way you live are what will get your message across. Your life can convey a very deep message much more simply and effectively than any words possibly can.
So if, at the College and everywhere else, I can let my life be an example of love, compassion, respect, patience, and peace, those who pay attention will learn the lessons I hope to convey.
posted by Andy at 12:03 PM
2 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
interesting insights! Life really is all about people and relationships. In our society, we're so focused on accomplishing what we think is important, it's refreshing to see you understand and experience that reality. Also, you're right about actions speaking louder than words. Just remember, you are being watched, everything you do, how you do it. It's like teaching, you're always "on". Keep smiling!
love,
mom
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