The Dharma of the Present Progressive

In my teaching of communicative English to Indian students,one thing that I keep addressing is the use of the present progressive tense. The prolific use of this tense is one of the identifying characteristics of "Indianized British English." When I have students intruduce themselves, they almost invariably say "My name is ______. I am coming from ______." So in every class, I go over the use of the present progressive. In doing this, I've started noticing some interesting things about it that I'd like to share.
It seems to me that the present progressive can be an interesting (at least to an english major and quasi-Buddhist) meditation. As I sit here typing, I can say, "I am typing." In saying this, I'm indicating that my being ("am"-- a conjugated form of the infinitive "to be") is typing. Put another way, whatever I'm doing in the present progressive is what i "am". So when I'm walking, my whole being should be walking; I'm completely mindful and aware of walking. I'm not occupied by extraneous thoughts or distractions; all i am is the contact between my feet and the ground, the movement of my joints, and the air flowing into and out of my body. When I'm eating, my whole attention is on my food-- its texture in my hand, in my mouth, the act of chewing and swallowing, the way in which, through the digestive process, it becomes part of me. My whole being is the act of walking or eating or breathing.
So in any given moment, look at what you're doing, and make a statement about it in the present progressive tense: "I am typing." "I am reading." "I am playing with my child." "I am talking to a loved one." And become aware of if you really "are" whatever you're doing at the moment. If not, try to bring your full attention to what you're doing and be fully engaged in it.
If what we're doing is harmful or indicative of some negative feeling or fear-- "I am worrying," "I am crying,"--, by bringing awareness and mindfulness to the action, we can get in touch with the underlying emotion and its causes and let our mindfulnes take care of and soothe the fear or pain. No matter what we do, fully experiencing it in the present progressive can put us more in touch with the reality of what is happening.
I know this will sound ridiculous to a lot of people, what with the value we place on multi-tasking and the like. But I think this is an interesting way to look at our language and our lives, and can help to enrich both.

Teaching English

Part of my job at UC College is to teach classes in communicative English. But it's not like i have a class of my own-- the way it works is that teachers will request for me to come teach communicative English in their class once a week for an unspecified number of weeks. For the last two weeks, I've been doing about 3 classes per week, and have really been struggling and doubting myself.
Modesty aside for the moment, I'm a pretty good teacher-- in front of a class I'm charismatic, entertaining, engaging, and yes, I even manage to get students to learn. But these classes have really been a challenge for me, and the challenge is specifically this: Indian students WILL NOT speak in English in front of other Indians. They all know it; English is mandatory in schools from fourth standard (fourth grade) onward, and many schools are strictly English-language. But the students here are so shy and so afraid of being judged by their peers, that they simply do not speak English in class. When they come up and talk to me on an informal basis outside the classroom (see previous post), they speak in perfectly articulate English and manage to express themselves quite clearly. But getting them to speak in class is like pulling teeth-- harder, in fact. If you pull on a tooth hard enough for long enough, it will eventually budge; not so with these students! And when my plan for teaching them communicative English was to propose a topic of discussion, let the students talk on that topic for a while, and take the last quarter of the class to go over any recurring mistakes in English usage, their staunch refusal to talk proves to be a real hinderance to the learning process.
But I've accepted this as something that's not going to change overnight. So I'm re-evaluating my strategy and am now working on just making the students comfortable enough to talk; or on finding creative and subtle ways of forcing them to talk.
Regardless, my apparent failures in my first few classes really had me down and doubting myself. But I got a nice confidence boost today when the student government body on campus called a strike in the middle of an economics class i was teaching in. Unsure of what to do, I told the students that since I wasn't really sure what was going on or where I stood with regard to the reasons for the strike, I wasn't going to participate; but I also wouldn't stand in the way of anyone who wanted to join the strike and leave class. At this point the actual teacher came in and said that whenever a strike is called (this is apparently a fairly frequent thing) that's it for the day. Classes are cancelled and students either join the march or go home. But the students in this class all said "No, no, no, no. We really want to stay and finish this class!" The teacher was blown away and so was I. Maybe I haven't been doing such a bad job after all.
Incidentally, the strike was called to protest the prohibitively high fees for the self-financing courses the college offers. Most programs at UC College are heavily subsidised by the government so that students enrolled in these programs have to pay virtually nothing for their education. However, this is only true of the general liberal arts and sciences (and those of us with BA's in English know how far that will take you...). The more technical fields that guarantee a job and decent pay (computers, medical, engineering, etc) are all self-financing and are so unbelievably expensive that only the richest of the rich students can afford to take these classes. All of which amounts to making upward mobility for the poor students virtually, if not literally, impossible.

What Privacy?

The one thing that I've really been struggling with here is the Indian understanding (viz. none at all) of privacy and personal space.
Anyone who knows me at all knows that even though I'm a pretty nice guy, I'm a very private, solitary, introverted person. I really value having time and space for myself, and am very protective of that time and space.
This is completely incomprehensible to the Indian psyche. No Indian I've talked to about this can understand why someone would ever want to be alone; to spend time by himself. Even worse, should an Indian find you doing anything by yourself (walking, reading, playing guitar, meditating), they assume that something must be wrong- if you're alone, you must be terribly depressed- and lavish even more attention on you.
I speak not from broad generalisation, but from personal experience. Many's the day when I've been enjoying a few moments of quiet reflection in my room or sitting on my bed, happily playing my guitar, when an unexpected guest will drop by and ask if I'm feeling OK. "Yes, I'm doing quite well.... why do you ask?" "Well you were sitting all lonely..." I find it meaningful that in Indian English, "lonely" and "alone" mean exactly the same thing. Or when I'm walking to the college, engrossed in my thoughts or focusing on my breathing and footsteps as a way of meditation, it's all I can do to not scream when someone I've never met before will invariably come up beside me and start chatting like he's known me for years.
I guess this is something I'll just have to get used to. And I guess it's sort of a blessing that I'll never be allowed to feel lonely. But as of right now, I find this absolutely intolerable!

A Small Triumph

At dinner last night, I was talking to my friend Philip Koshy (retiree, mealtime-buddy, and very high in the running for "Coolest Old Guy Ever") and asking him for some words in Malayalam (sadly, the titular small triumph overshadowed the words I was learning and now I can't remember them!). He told me one of them, followed quickly by "But you won't be able to say it." for this word contained the Malayalam letter (i wish i could type in Malayalam to show it!) that is most often transliterated as "zh." Allegedly the toughest sound for a Westerner to master, this letter occupies a sort of gray area between an "r" and an "l," made by sort of rolling your tongue in the back of your throat without it really touching anything.
To Philip's astonishment, I repeated the word perfectly, "zh" included. He clapped and cheered, "Hey, you got it!"
He doesn't have to know that I had been taught the sound a week earlier and had spent several hours practicing it.
A win's a win.

Rules for Survival

1) SMILE-- when people stare, point, laugh, leer, jeer, or shout things i don't understand at me, rather than getting paranoid, fearful, angry, or withdrawn, I'll make eye contact, smile, and wave or bow or whatever.

2) LAUGH-- As i adapt to a totally new culture and way of life, many things i do (or try to do and fail spectacularly at...) will be funny to those around me. People regularly laugh at my attempts to eat with just the fingers of the right hand; at my efforts toward speaking Malayalam. And i'll grant that the sight of a grown man from the world's great superpower struggling to get rice from the plate to his mouth is probably nigh hilarious. So I have to remember to not take myself too seriously and always be willing to see myself as other see me and to laugh at that image when it's amusing.

3) BE GRATEFUL-- No matter how bad things seem, or how hard they get, or how much I'm struggling, I need to find something to be grateful for. If i ever get sick of my room, I need to remember that there are those very nearby (maybe a couple hundred meters) who don't have a private room or a bed or electricity or a bathroom with running water. Even in this small room, I am very fortunate and privileged to have the living situation I do, and I can't forget that. If i ever get tired of the food here, I need to remember those (also very nearby) who get less to eat in an entire day than i do at one meal, and be thankful for the food that i get. No matter how bad things get, there's always something to be thankful for. And these reflections should also be jumping off points for offering whatever i can of my time, resources, and self to those nearby people.

A Devotion I Found Relevant...
"Our personal experience and understanding of Christ is a limited one. We therefore need the faith and understanding of other Christians- and particularly those from other cultures- to enrich our own. We constantly run the danger of making Christ in our own image and of subjecting what Christ tells us to the constraints and concerns of our own culture. In doing this we run the danger that we only possess the Christ who suits us and serves our ends. If we are to possess Christ more fully or rather, if he is to possess us, we need to embracethe Christ who is for us but who also calls our values into question."

Above and beyond learning from other Christians, I feel like there is a lot from other faith traditions in other cultures that can enrich our own faith and practice; and that is part of the reason I'm here, or at least part of what I hope to get out of this year. In Kerala, Christianity (Catholicism, Protestantism, Syrian Orthodox, Mar Thoma, Jacobite, Pentecostal, Evangelical), Hinduism and Islam all co-exist in a very healthy environment with a lot of cross-pollination of rituals and symbols, and all are mutually enriched by the presence and influenceof the others.
Also important in this devotion is the distinction between an affirmative personal Christ, and a Christ who challenges us. Maybe 'distinction' isn't the right word, since both aspects exist together and should work simultaneously in our lives. But the current trend, I fear, is to emphasize the former to the near-exclusion of the latter. Yes, Christ is for us (so who can be against us?), but He is also for everyone else-- especially those who we (in our self-righteousness, assured that if Christ is for Us, then he must be against Them) hate or ignore. This can be an uncomfortable thought, but sit with it for a while.

Helpful Bible Verses

I Thessalonians 5:14-21
"... encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and everyone else.
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Do not put out the Spirit's fire;... Test everything. Hold onto the good. Avoid every kind of evil."

This seems to be really good advice for my year here, and for life-- especially the middle part. If i can always be joyful, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances, i think i'll be doing extremely well. It's easy to be joyful and to give thanks when things are going well, or when things are easy. But when we struggle or when we're doubting God or ourselves, or when things really seem to suck, i think we need to acknowledge these challenges as opportunities for growth and transformation, and give thanks for them and be grateful. These times are just like a tattoo-- yeah, they hurt like hell when we're going through them, but we can get something really beautiful out of them. And it might not even have to be that drastic. Maybe we don't have to give thanks and be joyful when we're suffering. But if, in those times, we can find something, anything to be thankful for, we'll be doing pretty well. For instance. even though i was struggling and feeling really afraid and alone the other day, I went for a run and used that as a way of giving thanks for the miracle of this body that i've been blessed with (which is certainly not to say that i have a particularly astonishing physique. the human body is just an amazing pieceof machinery). and giving thanks for something is much better than thinking that everything is crap.
and i really like the advice "Test everything. Hold onto the good." Here, we're encouraged to push our limits, try new things, take chances. Don't stick with what you know to be safe. Be willing to try anything. But only hold onto the good. Pretty good advice, i think.

2 Corinthians 4:6-something
"For God, who said, "Let light shine out of the darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars ofclay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God, and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

I love the image of the jars of clay. none of us is a suitable or worthy vessel for God's message and love. None of us is deserving of God's unconditional love. Whenever I think i'm not good enough or strong enough to really follow Christ, I'm right- I'm not. But that's the mystery of grace. Even though we are flawed and broken and completely undeserving, God still fills us with his light and love and trusts us to bear these gifts to other flawed, broken people. And it's the idea of Bonhoeffer's "God at the gaps"-- where we fall short is where God is manifest in our lives. But this is a costly grace; it costs us nothing less than our lives and our selves. To live in Christ and to accept God's grace fully is to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow Him. When Jesus called the first disciples, "Come, follow me," they left their nets behind-- their jobs, livelihoods, families, identities, selves-- and followed him. And we're all called to do the same-- to leave our selves behind and follow Christ, even to the cross (why else would we have to carry them with us on this journey?). and only then, once we are willing to give our whole selves and our whole lives to God-in-Christ, have we fully accepted this costly grace.

UC College and Chacko Homes

Since I've been here for kind of a while already, I may as well try to describe a bit about where I am.
I'm going to spend the better part of this year working at Union Christian College. Founded in 1921, UC College is the first Christian college founded as an Indian initiative (all the others-- and there are a lot of them-- were the work of European missionaries). And while it is a Christian college, its spirit of ecumenism is manifest in its acceptance of students and staff of any religion. a college of Mahatma Gandhi University, UCC was visited by Gandhiji (-ji is a suffix added to a name to denote profound respect) in 1925. During this visit, he planted a mango tree in front of the administrative building and signed the guest register "Delighted with the ideal situation. MK Gandhi." The principal (what we would call the President-- except the principal is elected from amongst the faculty for a 5 year term) of the college showed me the actual page in the register. Gandhi had terrible handwriting!
At UCC, I'll be supervised my Mr. Cherian George, the head librarian, as I help to publish the annual college newsletter, research and write up an "official" history of the college, and teach fairly regular communicative English classes as well as getting involved in life on campus however else i can. Cherian is a relatively young member of the staff, and a super-nice guy. He's very patient and accomodating with all of my ridiculous questions and needs, and really goes out of his way to help this poor lost American out.

I'm currently staying at Chacko Homes (KC Chacko was the founder of the college and many nearby institutions, so lots of things are named after him), a retirement home that's a five minute walk from the campus. contrary to what my previous post seems to indicate, Chacko Homes is actually a lovely place, and I'm very happy there so far. I have a small but comfortable room with a private, "Western" bathroom (meaning that there's a toilet that i can sit down on rather than a hole in the ground-- but still no toilet paper!-- and a shower head [of course there's no separate shower stall or bathtub, so the floor of my bathroom is constantly wet. but it's still better than bathing with a bucket of water. and, since Indian people really have no use for hot water- why would anyone want to deliberately make themselves warm??-, showers are very cold in the morning. by the afternoon, the water tanks on top of the roof have warmed up sufficiently for my second shower of the day-- i sweat a lot!!-- to be pretty comfortable.]). the Home is made up of two residential buildings connected by the dining hall. each residential building is square with a central courtyard open to the air, and the old folks spend a lot of time walking laps around the courtyard. the people at Chacko Homes are extremely nice, and are quite used to having a young American around by now, so they are very warm and welcoming, and really go out of their way to make me feel at home.
So while I do get lonely at times, I am really quite happy with where I'll be for the year. and i've started running in the evenings and walking after dinner, so my free time is getting a bit more structure, which i think can only be a good thing!

Welcome to my blog!

I'm starting up this blog in order to record my thoughts, struggles, triumphs, and experiences during the year I will be in India.

If you're here reading this, chances are you already know to a certain extent who I am, what I'm doing, and why I'm here. In the event that you don't, here is a brief summary.

I'm Andy Smith, 25 years old, from New Jersey. Now serving as a Young Adult Volunteer of the Presbyterian Church (USA), I'll be spending the next year in the state of Kerala in Southern India. In Kerala, I'll be living and working in the town of Aluva (pronounced and often spelled "Alwaye") at a place called Union Christian College. My job here is mostly to just be a presence on campus and engage the students in conversation, thus increasing their competence and confidence in spoken English.

I have journal entries dating back almost to the day I got here (in fact, starting before!), so I'm going to be back-dating a bunch of entries. After this initial confusion, however, I will keep this bad boy as up-to-date as possible.

So, if you are at all curious about life in Southern India-- people, customs, religion, food, music-- or if you just want to hear some entertaining stories about an American dude trying to survive in a different culture, or occasionally want to hear some theological musings from one who can't even pretend to have any expertise in the field, you are invited to check back here as often as you please. I'd be happy to have you!

Some Cool Quotes From Gandhi...

"I have been convinced... that human nature is much the same, no matter under what clime it flourishes, and that if you approach people with trust and affection, you would have ten-fold trust and thousand-fold affection returned to you."

"I have no special revelation of God's will. He reveals himself daily to every human being, but we shut our ears to the 'still small voice'... God never appears to you in person, but in action."

What's the Problem Here??
(back-dated post #7)
I won't lie.. i'm lonely right now, and scared. and i'm wondering how i'll ever make it through this year.
Today was my first at Union Christian College, where I'll be doing most of my work this year. It seems like a nice enough place, and it sounds like there'll be plenty to keep me busy there. Everyone I've met is very friendly and seems more than willing to welcome and befriend me. I think I'll be very happy there. Plus, internet-connected computers are everywhere on campus, so i'll be able to feel at least a little connected to my loved ones back home.
I get into trouble when i return to Chacko Homes (the retirement home where I'm staying-- which is, also, a very nice place with very friendly and loving people-- more on UC College, Chacko homes, and the people at both later... just let me whine for now...) in the evening. These last couple of days, there's been a span of between 2 and 3 hours before dinner and maybe 1-2 hours between dinner and bed (dinner is eaten late here-- 8-9pm) where i have nothing to do. I come to my room, play the guitar, read, write, and get really homesick. I start to feel really lonely and wonder how i'm going to make it through a whole year.
But i'm a very solitary, independent creature by nature-- so what's the problem here?!?!? My hope is that over the course of the year (and hopefully sooner rather than later!) I'll get into a routine where i can stay busy and sociable, but still treasure my quiet solitary time. I know that a daily period of quiet, reflection, Bible study, prayer, and relaxation is an important component of a succesful and happy year (life?). I just hope i can get over my fears, doubts, anxieties, and loneliness so that i can appreciate the quiet time for the blessing it is.

Prayer
Gracious Father, thank you for your constant and loving presence in my life. through my greatest joys, my darkest fears, my deepest loneliness, my loudest doubts, you have always been with me. Forgive my uncomprehending loneliness and fear. I know that you are with me always-- so what do i have to be afraid of? Lord, help me to entrust myself completely to you; that your will, your love, your light can shine clearly through me. Let my hours of solitude be a time of communion with you. You sent your Son into the world so that we would know we are never alone. and i know that no matter where i am or how alone i feel, I am loved, and I am never alone.

Onam!!
(back-dated post #6)

We arrived in Kerala just in time for Onam. One of the biggest holidays on the Keralan calendar, Onam is a ten-day-long celebration of the annual return to earth of the beloved mythical ruler, Mahabali. Legend has it that Mahabali was a good, kind, and generous ruler who was beloved by his people. Somehow, he offended the gods and was banished from the earth. But because he was such a swell guy, he is allowed to return for ten days each year. To celebrate the return of Mahabali, students get off from school, fancy meals are eaten, new clothes are bought, and the ground is decorated with brightly coloured floral carpets called attapu.
On Monday, Achen took us out for an Onam lunch at a nice restaurant. the meal was a duplicate of the other traditional meals we had eaten (at the wedding and at lunch on Sunday), but no less fantastic. Since that time we have been transferred from Achen's care to that of his friend and colleague, Joy Joseph, and have moved from the luxury of Achen's house in Aluva to the prison-cell-like cloisters of the Amos Center in Kottayam. Here, we've been blessed to work with Chacko (Jacob) and Anne, and Steve (their 8 year old son), who have been teaching us how to teach English to Malayalees. As a sort of fun activity this afternoon, we created an attapu together. The meditative tedium of pulling the petals off of thousands of flowers. the impossible precision of colouring "inside the lines" with those petals as a medium. The amazement at the beauty of our finished product. If you've never made an attapu, do it. There's nothing quite as beautiful (I hope i can get some pictures of our attapu....)
Happy Onam

A Quick Note On Architechture...
(back-dated post #5)

What I described of the auditorium in Tiruvella seems pretty typical of Indian architechture and construction. Buildings, even the interior, are made almost exclusively of bare concrete and tile (as i imagine wood or drywall or carpet would warp and/or moulder in the 97% humidity present most days), and every light i've seen has been flourescent. This lends every building, be it a home, office, shop, school, or hospital, a more-than-vaguely-institutional air. I found this rather alarming at first, but am starting to adjust to it, i think. and what these buildings lack in western warmth and charm, they make up for with strict efficiency-- nothing in Indian construction is superfluous; everything seems to serve some purpose. So these buildings are not pretty or "nice" by Western standards, but they get the job done. Which is, I suppose, the point after all.

Outings, etc.
(back-dated post #4)

I think we're all settling into life in Kerala by now. Our lives are taking on a new rhythm-- in general much slower and more relaxed. Which isn't to say that we haven't done a lot since we got here five days ago. We've all eagerly begun learning Malayalam-- starting with a few important phrases (nani [thank you], mathi ["enough"-- used frequently at meals], vellam venam [i'd like water], toilet evide ana [where is the toilet?]) and now backtracking to learn the alphabet and different sounds of the letters. Being here is like being an infant again. The most basic things need to be relearned from scratch-- how to eat, how to speak, how to dress, how to go to the bathroom. and in five days, i think we've all made remarkable progress in all these fields. We've also had daily bible studies, lectures on current issues and history in India and Kerala, and taken a few outings:
Friday and Saturday we were in the town of Tiruvella, about three hours away, at a meeting of the Student Christian Movement of India. Achen was sort of the keynote speaker and we were invited to accompany him. We stayed at some kind of Catholic boarding house/conference center and took meals at the refectory. The meeting was held at a nearby Christian college and was attended by approximately 50 college students from all over Kerala. The meeting was held in a small concrete box of a building with a blackboard, some plastic deck chairs, and a few ceiling fans-- nothing like what an American would identify as a conference hall or auditorium! During breaks in the programme and during meals, we were encouraged to socialize with the students, and we each joined a small group to discuss the negative effects of globalisation in Kerala. I'm not an outgoing person at all, but the socialising proved no problem at all-- like at the wedding, Indian kids were lined up and crowded around to talk to us; again, mostly to practice their English, but also because most of these kids had only seen white people on TV and were honestly fascinated by us. The talk about globalisation was much less forthcoming. the kids in my group only wanted to hear my opinions on the matter. I was only interested to hear what they had to say, but shared my thoughts as a way of opening the conversation up. But still, no one was willing to share. When I outright asked for their thoughts, the one fellow who spoke English well said that Indians like America very much-- we're very generous and have done a lot to help India. They then went on to ask me what i like about Kerala, and what its "demerits" are. After my cursory answers, the students began talking amongst themselves in Malayalam, and seemed to be engaged in some serious discussion, so i asked for a translation. I was told that they were discussing how the dropping prices of agricultural products were driving many farmers into debt, and was actually creating a suicide epidemic. I was (and still am, honestly) kind of frustrated that they weren't willing share these thoughts with me. they just thought I wanted to hear how great they think America is. I think one of my great challenges for the year will be to get people to relate to me not as an American, but as simply another person.
This whole trip ended up being a very interesting exercise in communication. Having to introduce and talk about myself, explain my tattoo, and discuss globalisation in short, simple sentences using short, clear words really forced me to be deliberate and think about exactly what i wanted to communicate so that i could express it as clearly as possible.
The next day (Sunday) we attended Achen's church and introduced ourselves to the congregation. Men and women sat on opposite sides of the sanctuary and the service was entirely in Malayalam, but other than that it was more or less the same as church anywhere. Both at the church and the conference, we brought the guitar (Binu's-- Achen's son's-- guitar, since mine was still lost somewhere between London and Cochin) and performed "Ninte Hitham," a song in Malayalam that Achen had taught us. Our attempts at Malayalam were (and still are) a great source of entertainment to everyone, but i think they secretly respect the attempt we're making to learn their language.
After church, we went out to lunch and had another traditional banana-leaf meal and proceded on to Kodanadu, a sort of zoo where elephants are domesticated and trained to carry wood and other jobs. We all rode an elephant, took pictures with some elephants, went goggle-eyed over baby elephnats (chained to stakes in the ground....), and checked out a small zoo with monkeys, crocodiles, snakes, deer, and various kinds of birds. But the most interesting part of the day was a brief conversation with a man named Joshi (Joshua). Joshi spoke very little English. I spoke even less Malayalam, but we seemed to understand each other anyway. when i told him i was from America, he said, holding up his index finger "Ah, America number one. Too big ego. world police. Christian, Hindu, Muslim... too much killing. Is no good." "No good," i agreed, shaking my head sadly, "too much killing. too much hate." Joshi grabbed my shoulder. "Brother."